im a fat monster

turns out it was a scam. we werent looking at BRIDE gowns it was fucking BRIDESMAID dresses day. everyone was kinda fucking bitchy until the last place. like this one "upscale" house was really fucking rude. and thats where i encountered a rack of ONLY 6s.

i want to crawl in a fucking hole and die. i am a FAT MONSTER and who the fuck ever let me go out in public thinking im not obese should be shot because according to these stores they (the poeple calling me not obese) are so wrong. im the fattest fucking person on the face of the planet.

everywhere we went carried samples in 6, 8 and sometimes if you were lucky you could find a 10. im a 12 on the street. like my BCBG dress is a 12. dresses are always 12 or 14 for me. ALWAYS.

so im like trying to squeeze into these 8s and 10s, and im not getting anywhere. i look awful, i feel fat as fuck. im like borderline tears. this is the first and second store.... the third was only 6s and fiilled with middle aged bitchy cuntbags.

we get to Bridal Image and pull all the 12s we can find, because THEY actually have 12s in the samples. theyre not fitting my hips, i cant zip them, the boobs are too big im like frustrated and in tears. like seriously. why is something not fitting my fucking hips like 80 sizes too big in the bust? unless you're rocking silicon, the chances of having a 44 inch bust and a 30 inch hip are slim to none. and im not disproportionate... i dont think? 38-30-42, and like yeah i could loose some butt or thigh fat here but im not like a fucking pear cow monster? am i??

THEN the lady tells me that a 12 is really a size 6 or sometimes 8 and a 6 is actually a normal size 2. bridal sizes run small. well to me, thats extremely small. so she puts me in a plus sized dress, the smallest one which is an 18. fine, so that should be a 12. no its a goddamn BAG on me. and it looked nasty even with clips on it because its made for fucking obese people and im NOT OBESE. am i? like the neckline was up to my neck and the hem down past my knees. and i JUST had the SAME dress on in a 10 which obv didnt fit but the neckline was normal... like one or two inches from the nipple and the hemline was mid thigh. and strapless. the fat people one had these nasty little spaghetti straps which were pointless cuz like. the back was up to the top of my shoulder anyway. and id wear a plus sized dress no problem if it LOOKED good. whats the deal with making fat people clothes fugly.. like they weigh 300 pounds already, dont makde it fucking worse.

am i fucking obese and oblivious or something???? i feel so ugly, so fat, and like i can lose all the weight in the world and i will still have wide hips and a huge ribcage. thats what gets me. i have like no fat on my ribs ... like i can barely grab any even on my back ribs. im just fat in the middle and the thigh area and my upper arm like. WHY DOES NOTHING FUCKING FIT????

the other thing is i dont mind floor length dresses but i like my legs. i wanted short ones. the short ones arent wide enough for my hips. LIKE. why????

since we dont have a colour or a particular styhle set yet, we were just looking to see what works with me (apparently fucking nothing) i cant even have a dress made for me and then altered later. i just. want to die.

like. you'd have to be like 8 yeard old to get the damn things on. and yet it still has fucking destroyed me. im so sad.

someone mentionend these are vintage sizes. which means for all those times yure told starlets are a size 10 or 12, in todays sizes that makes them a six. what a fucking scam.

i feel awful and i wanna die. im s'posed to be at a masquarade party tonight and i put my BCBG dress on, but all i can see is everything wrong with me. im not going. im a cow. im going to hide out at home and prolly toss up dinner and exercise. because the last thing i needed to set me over the edge of no eating life is this. between tim and the summer coming and being stressed, i had very little room to maneuver around being stupid and starving. i feel like its the only fucking answer though. i dont understand that. UNGH.

next stop. liposuction please. i cant stop crying. i hate myselof so much right now.