its easier to nuture my desire to be thin by not doing anything at all.
i feel as though this way when my body and mind is perfect, i will be able to achieve perefction elsewhere too.
i cannot handle everything at once. i need to be more, able. when i am, then i can continue on this long hard road.
xoxo
Queenie
Wednesday, January 26
Tuesday, January 25
stress
it's stress that will kill you.
perhaps then i should try to not stress so much but i seemingly have so much to stress about. weight, school, boys, works, life. life is what gets me.
i dont ever go to my appointments. i make them and i try, i reason with myself and say you are an adult now you have to be in charge of your own shit. except. then i back out or flat refuse to show up.
bills are another bad one. my credit is prolly such shit just because im too lazy to be like, that money in the bank needs to go here. imstead i either dont cash my cheques or i dont pay my bills or i spend money on dumb shit. like shirts for my boyfriend. cuz ill get into trouble if i buy myself anything more, but if i give him stuff bwaha im bending the rules see?
i would love so much to be an invalid, and have someone else take care of my affairs while i lay in bed devouring delicious books. or a hot bath. or out in the sun. just flopping about one place to the next with only books and black tea to sustain me.
why am i so scared, what am i even afraid of?
im already dead inside, its not like living can kill me.....
xoxo
Queenie
perhaps then i should try to not stress so much but i seemingly have so much to stress about. weight, school, boys, works, life. life is what gets me.
i dont ever go to my appointments. i make them and i try, i reason with myself and say you are an adult now you have to be in charge of your own shit. except. then i back out or flat refuse to show up.
bills are another bad one. my credit is prolly such shit just because im too lazy to be like, that money in the bank needs to go here. imstead i either dont cash my cheques or i dont pay my bills or i spend money on dumb shit. like shirts for my boyfriend. cuz ill get into trouble if i buy myself anything more, but if i give him stuff bwaha im bending the rules see?
i would love so much to be an invalid, and have someone else take care of my affairs while i lay in bed devouring delicious books. or a hot bath. or out in the sun. just flopping about one place to the next with only books and black tea to sustain me.
why am i so scared, what am i even afraid of?
im already dead inside, its not like living can kill me.....
xoxo
Queenie
Monday, January 24
thinspo post
i slept in. a fire alarm woke me up. i dont care though, staying home means i wont eat junk food. woot.
stepped on the scale, five pounds still gone. im excited. its time i think to accept this as my new weight and count it as my zero i need to work from. fpocus. must stay focused. i lost three inches off my waist!! im excited about that a lot.
anyways, thinspo time. sorry its been such a long time coming plus i hope its not too repeatative. i hafta harvest more, but its hard when roomies and boytoys are around.
stepped on the scale, five pounds still gone. im excited. its time i think to accept this as my new weight and count it as my zero i need to work from. fpocus. must stay focused. i lost three inches off my waist!! im excited about that a lot.
anyways, thinspo time. sorry its been such a long time coming plus i hope its not too repeatative. i hafta harvest more, but its hard when roomies and boytoys are around.
xoxox
Queenie
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