stress

it's stress that will kill you.

perhaps then i should try to not stress so much but i seemingly have so much to stress about. weight, school, boys, works, life. life is what gets me.

i dont ever go to my appointments. i make them and i try, i reason with myself and say you are an adult now you have to be in charge of your own shit. except. then i back out or flat refuse to show up.

bills are another bad one. my credit is prolly such shit just because im too lazy to be like, that money in the bank needs to go here. imstead i either dont cash my cheques or i dont pay my bills or i spend money on dumb shit. like shirts for my boyfriend. cuz ill get into trouble if i buy myself anything more, but if i give him stuff bwaha im bending the rules see?

i would love so much to be an invalid, and have someone else take care of my affairs while i lay in bed devouring delicious books. or a hot bath. or out in the sun. just flopping about one place to the next with only books and black tea to sustain me.

why am i so scared, what am i even afraid of?

im already dead inside, its not like living can kill me.....

xoxo
Queenie